Wednesday, September 13, 2006


Concerning what a few friends have told me about OBLIVION: The Elder Scrolls IV, I found on a rant I made about multiplayer gaming that speaks true still. The topic then was Galactic Civilizations II, but it might as well be any well-made single-player experience...

"For years, I have thought that any game that could, should be multiplayer. It all started back with the original ZELDA on the old Nintendo. I recall thinking "If I could edit this game and create my own overworld and underworlds and watch my friends play, I'd never stop playing this game." I then thought "And if we could play together, each criss-crossing whatever screens we happen to be on independantly across the world, or working together in the same area, that would be cooler than is imaginable."

That was, what? 1987-1988? Nearly 20 years later - I have news. Playing with your friends is fun, but unlike when we were kids, and games were so simple an affair that all you needed was a second controller and a friend to invite over, we now have to pay $50 per game. Most of your friends probably don't own the same games, and even if they do, both of you wanting to play the same game at the same time is like errant asteroids finding planet Earth.

This is why Internet match-making is what it is, and let me tell you - "...those you encounter online, almost as a rule, are complete and utter cockmongers ." I've been in the 5th ranked guild out of 16,000 North American Guilds in Guild Wars. I was the Captain of the Monk team, 3rd in teir. I've been ranked 20th in Dawn of War's "2v2 players" list, fighting alongside my cousin Paul. I have proven that PC gamers who've been around since Castle Wolfenstein can, instantly, do as well as the 90th percentile in Halo 2 using a Lik-Sang keyboard/mouse adapter (all it took was learning where the gun drops were), and again in the PC port of Splinter Cell: the one where you only have versus mode.

The only place you can go from the top -- is down. And quite often, getting there is a struggle more than an adrenaline rush -- after over 10 years of competative gaming, I really don't give a flying fuck anymore. There's always a new game and ever-younger than you pricks who think that, somehow, dominating other people online is akin to kicking other cave-men in the jaw and breeding with the women while they lie there and bleed. It's a primordal attitude that reveals itself eventually for what it is.

No one plays together as a team. Axe ZELDA with your friends, and you are left with ZELDA, the Editor. "

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