Stream of Consciousness about my Family

My wife always says I'm a good father, but I rarely feel like I'm good - just adequate. This is a conversation I had with my friend over Instant Messenger.

David Beoulve: Question bud...

Telnarius: Sure.

David Beoulve: Okay, by my logic... I'm not athletic...

Telnarius: Ok..Dave does no pushups

David Beoulve: I rarely play many activity games with the baby boy. I chase my daughters around and tickle them. I'll throw balls for him.

Actually, that'd be accurate. (I don't do push-ups.)

Telnarius: Ok..Dave is into light activities.

David Beoulve: _I_ don't feel like I'm the greatest father but Alay thinks I'm fine. I can get angry, but I don't punish them angry.

Yes, light but vigorous activities.

Telnarius: Ok..so where's the question?

David Beoulve: Why does she think I'm a better father than I do? My daughters I consider biased. I can make them cry by being too sharp with them, but I always try to realize on the days I do that, in the moment I do that, and then sit down and talk or hold them - but just the fact that that can happen makes me feel validated that I'm not that great, just passable. Thing that disagrees with that notion is well - the girls are happy, work hard, smile a lot, and are well behaved.

Telnarius: Because you actually spend time with your kids.

David Beoulve: But of course, they're the most interesting thing in my house. That and my lovely Latina.

Telnarius: Does it have to be more than that?

David Beoulve: Oh, so…

But I mean... I feel like spending time with them is just what everyone should do. I feel like because my 2nd daughter (Dulce) is so quiet, I don't talk with her much, but I do spend time with her and she seems to think that's fine...

Telnarius: Just because something might seem small to you, doesn't mean that it is.

David Beoulve: my 9yo (Maria), if I just sat down next to her and didn't talk, that'd be a crime to her.

Telnarius: You spend time being a husband and a father.

David Beoulve: Heh well to be honest, it's butt-kick fun.

Telnarius: It never has to be said more than that.

David Beoulve: (nods)

I feel a little guilty that Alejandrita and Dulce don't show up in my blogs more, but that's what they're like - very laid back. Alejandrita may be an extrovert, but the only time you'd know it is when we have company and my older two retreat and she runs into the center of the living room.

Dulce is very personal. By that I mean, she can just sit with you and be. Maria Alejandra (my wife) is like that (although she's so well educated she can also talk for hours).

It's actually kind of strange, because - you wouldn't think sitting together each doing something, maybe not the same thing, was being together. I also love cuddles, and Dulce specializes in that. I never have to nap alone. Something warm and breathing puts its head on one of my shoulders, if not both of the younger two.

The older one (Maria) does as well, but I think that's partly because she loves her old man, and partly because she's got to claim territory. I've told her, of all of my children, she is the most like Jose Francisco - she was just - born a girl.

But she won't butt in on her younger sisters. She shares.

Jose Francisco, MAYBE he'll lie on my shoulder if his business is going to sleep and he's got a bottle and he wants to get to the business of going to sleep.

But he seems to prefer his mom or his oldest sister to me. No disloyalty felt, I just really think he is a man's boy... I can't teach him this stuff - I'm VERY emotional and empathic. He was just born this way. "I love you dad. Over there." He'll hug me when I come home and want to be picked up, and then he wants out of my lap and runs to go get something.

That's just... Jose Francisco. I wouldn't want him different. He demonstrates his love differently.

Telnarius: By head-butting you in the crotch ;)

David Beoulve: Not yet, but certainly in my head, and also punching me in the upper lip. He's 23 months old, and can do a child's punch. He's not really a child yet as much as a toddler.

Telnarius:
Hehehe

And then at 3 years old... he Piledrives Dave ;)

David Beoulve:
Well one can only hope, however unfortunate that'd be for me. He sure loves a challenge, though. We found him jumping on our bed just yesterday, and he climbed to the top bunk bed last week.

Does this post have a point? Maybe, if you can catch it.